- The fight for my children is becoming more difficult than even I imagined, and it looks like the weasel hole goes so deep I may never come back. Still, they're my children, so I absolutely have to try.
- My job is becoming mentally more difficult to do, even though over the last couple of weeks we've had NOTHING to do except clean floors and grates and move crap about. I come home every single day exhausted, and even Saturday's aren't allowing me to rest much, anymore. We're getting ready to go into at least two weeks worth of 12-hour days, so you can imagine it's going to be worse.
- There is a lot preparing to happen in my life, very soon, and I need to concentrate on all of it just to allow me to get through it. The job is going to end no later than the end of September, and I've already put in my 60-day notice to my landlord/lender that I won't be able to hold onto the house as a result. I need to get out of this God-forsaken fuckin' useless state because, although many of my friends reside here, my family is here -although they're leaving in droves- and I have my mountains, I've also had nothing but pain come out of the legal system and from bills I did not create for myself, and if this state burned to the ground tomorrow morning, I would stand on the edge of it and laugh while I danced on the border.
I am preparing to leave here, preferably for a small town north which I haven't decided on, yet, and I want to sit on my ass and write books, so I'm trying to get a bit of money put together for that. I have to figure out how and if I'll continue the fight for my kids, and whether or not I'm going to become a ghost, drop off the grid.
- Depression is deepening on so many levels because of the things I've mentioned above, and I've been clinically depressed for just under a decade, now, which is a very long time to be anything. I can laugh, and most days it's not hard to function, but some days I don't want to get out of bed, I'm tired all the time, and this damned depression is affecting how I do all of the above. And to think, except for my time in jail and prison, and that should no longer be affecting any of this, I brought ABSOLUTELY NONE of this on myself.
On the other hand, if someone else wants to begin a new game with new characters, doing it completely your own way, I'll play, though I don't guarantee a dazzling performance from me. I will modify the forums and either give you the code to build character sheets -if you don't want to completely freeform it- and teach you how to code them if you don't already know how.
On a third hand -yes, the mutant comes out- if someone else wants to run a different game altogether -I won't play anything from White Wolf, as the system and the background are ass IMHO- I would be willing to modify the forums again. If you want a character sheet, though, I would also have to have the game, though if I do I would be willing to program it.
On the final hand, and this depends solely on you guys, because I need something to keep me going, although I am relegated to playing only, we can call it and close the game entirely. Guys, I no longer have what it takes to run this, anymore. I have been trying desperately to figure out what I could do to get this game running again, or to take a shot at another game, and I've come to the conclusion that I would provide you all with nothing short of the garbage I've been providing you with over the past year and change.
I have to leave this up to you guys, because I can't do it anymore; I no longer have the personal strength or the mental discipline to even want to look at these forums, anymore, let alone write on them, and it has absolutely nothing to do with you guys, you've been working hard with posting and making this story move forward, and all but one of you have kept faithfully to the story. I have no one to blame but myself in all of this, and I still don't blame myself because the things that are happening in my life aren't my fault.
At this moment, I respectfully -asking your forgiveness- bow out from and retire from my involvement in GM'ing this tale. I apologize, and I thank you.)