The Veil Between... Peace and War

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Tithenon
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Unread postby Tithenon » 04 Aug 2007, 10:00

(OOC: Guys, in keeping with my own definition of what being a man is, I have to admit a few things to you...
  1. The fight for my children is becoming more difficult than even I imagined, and it looks like the weasel hole goes so deep I may never come back. Still, they're my children, so I absolutely have to try.
  2. My job is becoming mentally more difficult to do, even though over the last couple of weeks we've had NOTHING to do except clean floors and grates and move crap about. I come home every single day exhausted, and even Saturday's aren't allowing me to rest much, anymore. We're getting ready to go into at least two weeks worth of 12-hour days, so you can imagine it's going to be worse.
  3. There is a lot preparing to happen in my life, very soon, and I need to concentrate on all of it just to allow me to get through it. The job is going to end no later than the end of September, and I've already put in my 60-day notice to my landlord/lender that I won't be able to hold onto the house as a result. I need to get out of this God-forsaken fuckin' useless state because, although many of my friends reside here, my family is here -although they're leaving in droves- and I have my mountains, I've also had nothing but pain come out of the legal system and from bills I did not create for myself, and if this state burned to the ground tomorrow morning, I would stand on the edge of it and laugh while I danced on the border.

    I am preparing to leave here, preferably for a small town north which I haven't decided on, yet, and I want to sit on my ass and write books, so I'm trying to get a bit of money put together for that. I have to figure out how and if I'll continue the fight for my kids, and whether or not I'm going to become a ghost, drop off the grid.
  4. Depression is deepening on so many levels because of the things I've mentioned above, and I've been clinically depressed for just under a decade, now, which is a very long time to be anything. I can laugh, and most days it's not hard to function, but some days I don't want to get out of bed, I'm tired all the time, and this damned depression is affecting how I do all of the above. And to think, except for my time in jail and prison, and that should no longer be affecting any of this, I brought ABSOLUTELY NONE of this on myself.
So, here's my offer to you guys... if one of you would be willing to take over, at least to end the current campaign, which really is not that far off when compared to how far you've already come, I will happily email you the plans I had for finishing the campaign up and then play in whatever it is you decide to do.

On the other hand, if someone else wants to begin a new game with new characters, doing it completely your own way, I'll play, though I don't guarantee a dazzling performance from me. I will modify the forums and either give you the code to build character sheets -if you don't want to completely freeform it- and teach you how to code them if you don't already know how.

On a third hand -yes, the mutant comes out- if someone else wants to run a different game altogether -I won't play anything from White Wolf, as the system and the background are ass IMHO- I would be willing to modify the forums again. If you want a character sheet, though, I would also have to have the game, though if I do I would be willing to program it.

On the final hand, and this depends solely on you guys, because I need something to keep me going, although I am relegated to playing only, we can call it and close the game entirely. Guys, I no longer have what it takes to run this, anymore. I have been trying desperately to figure out what I could do to get this game running again, or to take a shot at another game, and I've come to the conclusion that I would provide you all with nothing short of the garbage I've been providing you with over the past year and change.

I have to leave this up to you guys, because I can't do it anymore; I no longer have the personal strength or the mental discipline to even want to look at these forums, anymore, let alone write on them, and it has absolutely nothing to do with you guys, you've been working hard with posting and making this story move forward, and all but one of you have kept faithfully to the story. I have no one to blame but myself in all of this, and I still don't blame myself because the things that are happening in my life aren't my fault.

At this moment, I respectfully -asking your forgiveness- bow out from and retire from my involvement in GM'ing this tale. I apologize, and I thank you.)

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Tithenon
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Unread postby Tithenon » 05 Aug 2007, 07:24

(OOC: Well, someone had made a post, and I can only assume it was an angry one because they deleted it themselves right after Submitting it. I know you guys are probably unhappy with me altogether, and I don't blame you.

Believe me, I wish my life was so very different that I could simply carry on without much thought to getting kicked in the face tomorrow morning, and each morning afterwards. I wish I could show you all, beyond the paperwork, the legal wranglings, what happened to bring me to the point where I can't do it, anymore, and the negative emotion that's been flowing through me non-stop for the last two years, in particular, and the last ten in a diminished form.

What I want to do is scream my head off at everyone I talk to, to make people understand where I am psychologically, to get them out of my way. I want to do unspeakable things to those who have hurt me, and continue to hurt me daily. I feel useless and worthless from a need to do everything to obey the law so I can, eventually, show my sons that I did all I could, in the most honorable way possible, to secure their release from the ransom they are under. At the same time, my primitive side wants to take over...

None of you deserve that sort of treatment, and I don't believe you should be an active part of my own descent into madness, which I thought for certain I would be able to put in control by now. I am not to be pitied, or felt sorry for, or mollicoddled, not in the least, and in order to keep from receiving that sort of treatment I need to isolate, insulate, myself.

It has taken me 20 minutes to write the above, to be able to concentrate enough to write it. Believe me when I tell you that none of you want that sort of work put into a game that has slowed down so far due to my own lack of participation... I thought it was just work, but work doesn't answer for all of this. I just thought you all should know.)

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Claudia
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Unread postby Claudia » 05 Aug 2007, 14:41

Paul I'm very sorry to hear that your circumstances have not improved, and by reading your posts they are taking a strain beyond a level that any of us realised. I can only pray that your fortune changes and life starts to be kind to you.

I love being involved in this game and I really enjoy the entertainment you and the others have provided me. I know that you feel you're writing garbage, but perhaps I'm too stupid to see through it, but I have not experience a drop in quality on your part. I can fully appreciate that if your finding it virtually impossible to put pen to paper then you certainly do not want to continue in your current role as GM. Being a GM is a demanding role and it's definitely a demand you can do without in the current climate.

I'm personally in two minds I would happily continue with someone else GM'ing, whether it's this game or another, as I enjoy being part of this. However, what I don't want to do, is make you feel that your circumstances mean nothing to the rest of us. As I'm sure we're all thinking of you and wishing you the best.

If you would be happy for someone else to pick up the reins, then I will happily be part of it. Unfortunately I am not GM material, so I will not be volunteering myself.
"We’re not so different you and I. OK, so I'm young, good looking and intelligent, but apart from that we're virtually the same."
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Tithenon
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Unread postby Tithenon » 05 Aug 2007, 19:52

Thank you, Gavin, for your kind words; I know I've already expressed it in previous posts, but I think you said it better, more succinctly, I have been under a terrible strain the last several years, although of late it has become so great...

Today I went to a friend's house, to celebrate his son's first birthday, and several of the guys we work with showed up and the stress lowered for a few hours, enough that I could breathe. God, it was so nice, but I am too used to those times being short-lived before the situation gets out of hand or I get out of hand, and it is such ways that have been part of my life for far too long. One of these days I'll be able to have that rest; I've earned the right many times over, but it hasn't come, yet.

One day.

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Tithenon
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GAME ON

Unread postby Tithenon » 06 Jul 2008, 13:55

(OOC: It has been a year almost since I failed in my duties as a GameMaster because of other, more pressing, issues in my life. At that time, I could not see a good end to anything, and I was not resolved to get my sons home with me or die trying. Instead, I was ready to quit altogether, to end it and never do anything positive or lively again.

Toward the end of December, however, all began to turn around because the Supreme Court in North Dakota saw that what Cass County was doing there was wrong. Since that time, many things have happened for the better; I got my parental rights restored to me as a matter of law on June 4th, 2008, and one way or the other it appears my children will be restored to me, and I to them, pretty soon, though that could be from several more days to several more months. It all depends on the ruling of the powers that be.

Despite the continuing legal battle I face for custody of my own children from an illegal regime, my creativity is being restored, and I am as ready as possible at this time to continue the game. Therefore... GAME ON!!!

The link to the new story thread for this game is viewtopic.php?f=4&t=198

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Re: The Veil Between... Peace and War

Unread postby Fieranor of Imladris » 21 Jun 2016, 22:53

GameMaster Note Story chapter archived 21 June 2016.
"Gondolin might not have fallen, with proper military technique and force applied."
"Los que arriesgan , vivir de verdad || Those who risk, truly live." ~ It isn't Tolkien, but it's true.


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